I am waiting for the worst.
In approximately 45 minutes, I must leave this splendidly fluffy couch and migrate to my car.
From my car, I will travel 8 miles to the dreaded sound of bouncing leather on wood, and the smell of sweat and panic.
This, is basketball camp.
Where dreams are crushed, and embarrassments come alive.
You would think that this atmosphere would accept a 6'1" girl with open arms.
But instead, it glares upon her like she's just a peice of meat.
I am that girl.
I am scared, unwilling to participate, and dreading every moment.
Oh, how lovely it sounds to just quit.
To do more of what I love.
To not have those glaring eyes anymore.
For my expectations to be ignored.
Because I am the queen of my destiny.
No human being on this earth will ever tell me how to run my life.
I will not simply be another stereotype on the face of this planet.
I will await my own fate.
I will wait patiently.
Summer- Land of the sun.
I can feel it now.
The slight breeze in my face,
Water slapping against my skin from the nearby garden hose,
And oh,
The sun.
How it shines.
How it fills every word I speak with passion and happiness.
It is good.
It is right.
I see myself now.
Me, sprawled out on a rickety trampoline, trying to gather some sweet sunlight.
How I love the feeling of warmth.
How I love summer.
It excitedly awaits me.
Reasons
Reasons.
The one word I do not understand.
Reasons.
I go through life stressed, forgetting about the
Reasons.
I even try to blame it on the
Seasons.
But I know that this life has reasons.
Reasons.
A person loves me but I don't know their
Reasons.
A Jew is murdered; who has the
Reasons.
I even try to blame it on the
Seasons.
But I know that this life has reasons.
Why does the dawn break? What are its
Reasons.
Why does the earth shake? Does this soil have
Reasons?
I even try to blame it on the seasons,
Because I can not conclude the reasons.
But the wind blows gently and comforts my soul.
I have my mind set on one big goal.
I will not blame it on the seasons.
I will conclude life's hidden reason.
And I discovered the gold I was looking for.
The big reason is-
Unsolvable, unstoppable,
Reasonable.
The one word I do not understand.
Reasons.
I go through life stressed, forgetting about the
Reasons.
I even try to blame it on the
Seasons.
But I know that this life has reasons.
Reasons.
A person loves me but I don't know their
Reasons.
A Jew is murdered; who has the
Reasons.
I even try to blame it on the
Seasons.
But I know that this life has reasons.
Why does the dawn break? What are its
Reasons.
Why does the earth shake? Does this soil have
Reasons?
I even try to blame it on the seasons,
Because I can not conclude the reasons.
But the wind blows gently and comforts my soul.
I have my mind set on one big goal.
I will not blame it on the seasons.
I will conclude life's hidden reason.
And I discovered the gold I was looking for.
The big reason is-
Unsolvable, unstoppable,
Reasonable.
What the savior means to me.
He gave his life.
It seems all so simple.
Christ died for us.
How many times do you hear that?
What do you think of when you hear that?
I catch myself thinking about school.
About homework.
About friends.
I find myself to caught up in stress to even realize the importance of what he did for us and how he accomplished it.
When I was little,
I always thought that the worst part of the atonement was the nails through the hands action.
I never truly understood that he did so much more than that.
In the garden, he literally bled through every pore.
He felt every emotional and physical pain of all those who have lived, live, or will live.
And yes,
That means that if you stepped on a nail,
He felt that pain too.
He felt all the nails that anyone has or will ever step on.
He also felt all of our stress,
Depression,
Loss,
Loneliness,
And self pity.
He understands every little thing we go through.
But then I wonder:
Doesn't he feel all the joy of man also?
And I believe he feels that often.
I also believe that god made him able to undertake such a large task.
I believe he was at least half immortal.
How else could he suffer so much grief?
I believe anyone living on the earth today could not go through 2 seconds of his pain.
But he endured.
He lived.
And he still lives.
And we can all feel his presence.
We can mentally feel the nail prints in his hands and feet.
We can have the knowledge of the scriptures.
An we can have the opportunity to withhold the Holy Ghost once we are baptized.
I love Christ.
And I would most definently, without a doubt be lost without him.
It seems all so simple.
Christ died for us.
How many times do you hear that?
What do you think of when you hear that?
I catch myself thinking about school.
About homework.
About friends.
I find myself to caught up in stress to even realize the importance of what he did for us and how he accomplished it.
When I was little,
I always thought that the worst part of the atonement was the nails through the hands action.
I never truly understood that he did so much more than that.
In the garden, he literally bled through every pore.
He felt every emotional and physical pain of all those who have lived, live, or will live.
And yes,
That means that if you stepped on a nail,
He felt that pain too.
He felt all the nails that anyone has or will ever step on.
He also felt all of our stress,
Depression,
Loss,
Loneliness,
And self pity.
He understands every little thing we go through.
But then I wonder:
Doesn't he feel all the joy of man also?
And I believe he feels that often.
I also believe that god made him able to undertake such a large task.
I believe he was at least half immortal.
How else could he suffer so much grief?
I believe anyone living on the earth today could not go through 2 seconds of his pain.
But he endured.
He lived.
And he still lives.
And we can all feel his presence.
We can mentally feel the nail prints in his hands and feet.
We can have the knowledge of the scriptures.
An we can have the opportunity to withhold the Holy Ghost once we are baptized.
I love Christ.
And I would most definently, without a doubt be lost without him.
Believe by obedience.
I think that a couple of the talks in general conference really tied together nicely today. I think it was brother oaks - I'm probably wrong - who told a story about a 14 year old boy (my age) who didn't know that the the church was true. He honestly confessed he only could believe. I feel exactly that way. I feel that I do not really know the church is true, but I believe it. Elder oaks said, quote "I hugged the boy until his eyes bulged." He knows what it was like to be 14. He knows what it was like to still not have a sure knowledge. But he gave me hope by saying that he has a sure knowledge of the gospel now in his old age. He reminded us that all we are required to do is believe, because whoever shall believeth in him (the lord) will have everlasting life. At least I think that's how that scripture goes... Haha
President Monson talked on obedience. It really hit me that even if I don't know the church is true, I should obey. My faith will grow by obedience to the Lord and his commandments.
So there is my blog post.
Later gators!:)
President Monson talked on obedience. It really hit me that even if I don't know the church is true, I should obey. My faith will grow by obedience to the Lord and his commandments.
So there is my blog post.
Later gators!:)
Music. My oasis.
Emily Miller.
She, is my role model.
She, is amazing.
Emily is my inspiration,
Especially in music.
Especially in piano.
She makes clicking of keys the most enjoyable thing of your life.
She makes it worthwhile.
I think of music as an oasis.
It creates wonderful moments in the midst of stress, in the midst of madness.
Music will never fail us.
When I sit down to a piano bench,
I play.
I play for as long as my schedule allows,
Or I play until mother calls for dinner.
I play to sooth my wounds.
I play to fulfill my passion.
I love music.
God knows that I do.
So he took away Emily miller.
He took her away,
And now I feel lost.
But I know I will find myself.
This week,
When I sit down to my last lesson with Emily,
I will be so thankful.
Thankful she could inspire me to love piano again,
After all those years of not having a sufficient teacher.
She taught me to love this beautiful instrument as much as I do.
She taught me willingness to practice,
And taught me to find the joy in laboring.
Although tears stream down my cheeks that she must go,
I know I will go on.
I know I will progress in what I love.
I'm ready to be my own teacher.
She, is my role model.
She, is amazing.
Emily is my inspiration,
Especially in music.
Especially in piano.
She makes clicking of keys the most enjoyable thing of your life.
She makes it worthwhile.
I think of music as an oasis.
It creates wonderful moments in the midst of stress, in the midst of madness.
Music will never fail us.
When I sit down to a piano bench,
I play.
I play for as long as my schedule allows,
Or I play until mother calls for dinner.
I play to sooth my wounds.
I play to fulfill my passion.
I love music.
God knows that I do.
So he took away Emily miller.
He took her away,
And now I feel lost.
But I know I will find myself.
This week,
When I sit down to my last lesson with Emily,
I will be so thankful.
Thankful she could inspire me to love piano again,
After all those years of not having a sufficient teacher.
She taught me to love this beautiful instrument as much as I do.
She taught me willingness to practice,
And taught me to find the joy in laboring.
Although tears stream down my cheeks that she must go,
I know I will go on.
I know I will progress in what I love.
I'm ready to be my own teacher.
Just a thought.
You know what amazes me?
Trials.
No,
We do not want them.
But do we need them?
Think about that.
Trials.
No,
We do not want them.
But do we need them?
Think about that.
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